Yesterday I spent the evening in the library with my 2 little girls, waiting for an available book to write a report that is due today. Most of the time was spent waiting for any book to be returned to the reserve desk. When I was able to finally obtain one, I was already frustrated and eager to be back home. The single book I had reviewed contained very little material to work with, and it was not within the timeline that I was supposed to be working with. Of course, not willing to spend the entire evening at the campus library waiting for more books to become available, and needing to return home to prepare a meal before the kiddo's bedtime, I took what I had and decided to make it work somehow. Normally, I might be able to abstractly argue some relevance, seeing as how this book was selected by the instructor herself, but due to not having the required textbook of the class itself, I am left with a daunting predicament. I must somehow find some relevance to the course material, without having access to the course material itself. Now if I were an average student, living on campus with typical roommates and time enough to spend alone working on my assignments, I would simply spend the entire evening at the library studying several different selected books, and also check out the required text so that I could read the course cannon to determine an argument for some better suited material. I am not an average student, I live 20 minutes drive from campus, my roommates are 3 and 6 years old, and I am never alone unless I can find suitable babysitters. That is difficult to do when you are unemployed, penniless, out of gas, and have no phone. Ill be lucky if I can make it to campus to turn in any paper at all today, and I certainly wont be expecting a passing mark on it. I truly enjoy being in school, and I actually like doing the work, but right now, there are a few barriers for me to overcome this semester, and I am uncertain I will be able to do so.

It looks like i'll be dropping my drawing class this semester. Sadly, it is due to a long delay in my pell grant funds. Not enough gas to get to class, no phone to call for help, no job to pay the rent. I am still hopeful of my other 2 classes this semester though, and the change in the schedule will keep me from sprinting from one place to the other. Still, I am a little disapointed I wont be able to keep it. Truth be told, I am still very thankful for being able to go to school at all again. It has been a blessing to get back into my artwork again with a positive focus. Having Hannah and Maizy here with me has been another great blessing that has given me many challenges to face over the last year. Hannah has been excited to develop her reading skills this year, and so far she is doing great. Maizy on the other hand, has been stuck at home with the grumpy dad, needles to say we have bumped heads a time or two on who is really in charge. Both of the girls are being really helpful to me lately, by vaccuming their room, or handing me clothes to fold. I am fortunate at the moment to have access to an internet signal, especially now that my phone has been cut off. I am in an intertidal pool at the moment and must make due with what is given me for now while I await the Lords hand to guide me to where he has prepared for me. Fortunate am I that my Father above has given me the trials to my patience to prepare me for these times.

sunday night

The Dallas Cowboys lost in the new stadium to the New York Giants at 31-33. In a stadium opener, Romo was a little underwhelming with 3 interceptions. Can't blame them all on him, but still a very weak effort to keep the ball in your control. The defense played somewhat solid early, but for being left out to dry by the poor ball control of the offense, they could not muster the strength to stop the Giants offense from marching down field for a game winning field goal. No surprises really when you consider that Romo has a knack for coughing up the ball in close games all last season, and clutch mishaps in playoff games for a couple seasons now. The Giants did an excellent job of converting turnovers which accounted for 17 of the teams points. Those silly throwaways just don't cut it, especially against a division rival at home. In the end, I don't think anyone was totally surprised by the end result, but it was very disapointing anyway. Maybe we can get them back in a few weeks in New York for another sunday night spotlight? Hmmmmmm......

In the spirit of gardening, and of course a little bit of money saving, I decided to plant few vegetables this year. I had planted onions, carrots, radishes, lettuce, corn, watermelon, and pumpkin. I had a decent little crop of carrots out of it all. It filled up the veggie drawer for a week or two. the rest all died off, or just didn't get harvested. My ten rows of corn ended up withering and got taken with mold, and the pumpkin i picked was 3 in. across. it got attacked with thumb tacks by a little girl. I did get a couple of melons though, about 6 inches big. Haha, the girls like them, which is good, because I cant really eat them without an itchy mouth. It was a fun garden, although most of what I grew wasn't fruitful, But I did learn a couple of things. Corn takes more water than I want to give it, don't let melons hang on a metal fence, and pick the lettuce before it goes to seed, oh, and the radishes too. Pumpkins were a little fussy, and just when I thought they were gonna do great, the heat killed them. My backyard experiment did yield a couple of cucumbers, but they got taken shortly b the heat too. I haven't gotten into a good watering habit yet I guess, and even my little potted trees have struggled under my regime. Lessons learned; weeding is a yearlong process, water in the evenings or the mornings, and don't fertilize a newly repotted tree that was root pruned.

After hours of laboring all night and through the morning to complete the ever important assignment due at the beginning of the week, I found myself stuck in a funny place where none of the work I did paid off, or even mattered. A severe case of hopelessness washed over me and I was left to ponder my oversight of the simplest of things. The assignment would not get turned in, the due date missed and the class left unattended. If I had known that Monday would have been so harsh to me, would I have put out that incredible effort to complete a mediocre project? I doubt I would have, and so it would have been put off again I am sure, and completed with less care for a similar grade.

That is a little pessimistic of me to say that, but I also have a good idea of my own trends to procrastinate a project until I have no time to finish it with any comfort. I did finish the project, though my biggest obsticle was not time, but supplies. The worst part of the project was not its difficulty, but my own tendency to perfect the silliest part of the object, and overlook the final product.

I spent somewhere around 7 hours saturday night hand stitching a shoe made entirely out of masking tape. The thread I used was merely thin strips of masking tape that had been twisted up. I spent all my effort into making the awesome stitching, and when it came time to work on the bottom of the shoe, I had to make due with a quickly applied layer of tread that looked as ridiculous as it would perform. I was out of tape. Well, I finished it at least. It would get turned in on time and I would receive a fair grade.

Well, monday morning rolls around. Waking late and having a sick little girl that needed to see a doctor. Was it serious illness? Probably not, and there likely wasn't much the doctor would be able to do either except throw some antibiotics at it. Well, when scheduling the appointment, I also realized that school would be missed. The doctors note will help that, but when I wasn't able to reach any of my sitters for the day, I realized that all school would be missed for the day. Mondays due date is rendered meaningless because the dad in this house is all alone. The worst part is that I had all kinds of opportunity to work out sitting arrangements over the weekend, or at least double check that they were still intact. I didn't talk to anyone about daycare because I assumed it was taken care of. But it had never in fact been verified that monday was in the clear. Likely, a simple reminder was all that was needed saturday evening or sunday afternoon. By monday, its a little too late, and so am I.

Better luck next time. Now I have officially set myself up for trouble this semester. I might have to drop a class because I have missed more classes than I have been to, and those have been late. All because I cant figure out what to do with those kids during school. I have received a lot of help already, and I am grateful for that, exceedingly, but sometimes the help falters too. I don't have an argument there, since I am penniless and essentially begging. However I do have to wander if I am taking on too much. 9 hours didn't seem like a whole lot to take when I had a job, but now that I don't have anything to do all day, it seems like an incredible amount. Funny how backwards things like that make such a profound difference. Then again, it would probably make a lot of difference if I would just lose my pride for a little bit and ask for help.

the long emotional day

Monday. back to school for the first grader, fold the mountain of clothes, try to find a babysitter sitter so I can go to school, .... in the end I think it all worked out, but it was stressful and I missed my first two classes for the day, but I did make it to the last two. A HUGE thanks to the Watsons who have helped me enormously lately. I'm a little dissapointed in how long I put off asking for help, but I guess I have a hard time admitting to myself when I need help, or asking for it. When I finally did ask, I managed to get myself all choked up about it. School went ok, I was a little late to my drawing studio class, but it went well, and I think I will really enjoy that class. Design II studio promises to be full of fun this semester as I prepare to make masking tape shoes for the first project. To cap off the evening, I had a chance to take my girls over to see their mother. The girls enjoyed seeing her and their grandparents too, but the sadness of recent troubles and difficulties overshadowed the evening. So a day filled with emotion has passed, and hopefully things will settle in to a more manageable pattern for everyone soon.

check out the gallery update

I made a few improvements to my gallery site, so go take a look at paulsculptor.vndv.com

there are a couple of new surprises. Thats about all I have worked on the last week, besides the daily routine of keeping the girls from destroying the rest of the house. Now I get to begin looking toward next week in class, and what to do with the kids while I'm there. I took a look at my first design assignment and I'm really excited about it. It will involve a lot of tape! I am definitely going to enjoy this semester.